Amsterdam!

Well dam.

Arriving with exhausted energy, optimism, trepidation and joy just under the surface, we made our way to the hotel at 9am on Thursday.  Foolish us, we thought we'd sleep on the plane but it wasn't meant to be; instead, we acted like we were on a Delta sleepover and watched movies all night. 

A full day of glorious Amsterdam distracted our exhaustion.  So many bikes, dikes, boats, goats (well not really but it rhymed).  Canals, boat houses, rows and rows and rows of tall, thin, brick homes full of life.  Perfect weather brought out the hoards of crowds on the cobblestone streets and sidewalks and we walked for miles.  Briskly walking through the extremely busy streets, we dodged obstacles coming at us and swiftly coming up behind us in a hurry to get to museums at our appointed times.  We inhaled the youthful exuberance of this electrifying community, we inhaled the freedom all around us, we inhaled the crisp fall air, the smell of the flower market and marijuana on every corner.  Addictive.  This city is addictive. This city is busy.  This city is beautiful and interesting and even in the red glow of certain districts in town, this city holds it own. 

Mixed in with the gay atmosphere is an extremely diverse colony of people - so refreshing and calming and yet busy as hell.  Where are all of these millions of people biking to in such a hurry??
I was immediately struck by the familiarity of Amsterdam even though I've never been here before.  My German mom's aura is here...in the Dutch language,  in some of the food, in the structure of some of the local faces.  I feel Kelly's presence here and I didn't expect that.  My dad's passionate love for the Renaissance artists brings Gene here to Amsterdam, too.  Coming to Europe is like coming home and I hadn't bargained for that epiphany.  I had bargained for amazing hotel rates and deals on tours but I wasn't prepared to have my parents walking down the streets of Amsterdam with me but it was a nice surprise and it made me very happy and yet, sad.

Our hotel room at the Hyatt was, well, exquisite to say the very least.  Breathtaking beauty hugged us in the lobby and the young, fresh Hyatt staff sat us on a velvet pedestal and treated us like royalty the moment we arrived.  White down quilt on the king bed with a view of the canal and style, elegance and luxury all around the room accompanied by fresh flowers, wine, bread and cheese with a personal note from the hotel management wishing us a "Happy Anniversary" was a delightful gift when we unlocked that door the first moment we arrived in our room .  The breakfast buffet brought tears to my eyes that first morning as we looked out at the lush courtyard with a French Press pot on the table and the most amazing fresh fruits, meats and baked goods that we have ever witnessed in one place for a morning meal and the very sweetest of hotel staff wanting to make us happy at every turn.  Tears of joy and pure exhaustion filled my eyes and we laughed at our amazing good fortune for being in this moment. 

Caught off guard, though, by the extreme exhaustion of jet lag. Damn! I can honestly say that I've never been so tired!  I have also never fallen asleep while sitting up and having a conversation but I have now succumbed to that experience. Waking at 4am and trying to go back to sleep and then later feeling like a walking zombie under the bright sunshine in the "I AMsterdam Park"  is an unique experience. Off center, like some of the old houses in this beautiful city, is a tad disconcerting.  We are a long way from Kansas, Toto.

 And so exhaustion opens the teardrop gates.  Tears in the Anne Frank house for Anne and her family and all people who have been and still are persecuted.  Tears in the Van Gogh museum when I saw my dad's favorite Van Gogh painting.  I had to sit down in that big, busy museum on a bench and steady myself and just stare at the actual painting.  My dad had a copy of Van Gogh's Bedroom art taped to the walls of his own bedroom and I was remembering how I pulled that tape off of that picture, taped above my dad's pillow, just a day after he died in the hospital.  Tears streamed down my face as I sat on that bench, thinking about the father that has been gone from my life nearly 30 years now. And then more tears as I thought of some of my closest friends who would have loved to see these paintings in person and I felt so lucky and a tad undeserving of my luck.  But that's another blog.

 And then there were the tears when we stopped in at a little church in the city and I randomly (and unconventionally for me) lit two candles for Gene and Kelly on the stand behind the pews.  Wherever I go, I bring their light with me.

The joy and laughter we have shared with Eli and Lisa has been wonderful.  Canal boat dinner cruise and museums and parks and Irish pubs with live music and authentic Italian food has kept us awake and engaged and so very grateful for their time and love.  How fortunate we feel to have Eli and Lisa here in Amsterdam to  introduce us to this amazing city.  How fortunate I feel to have Eli's young legs run back to a restaurant to retrieve my IPhone that was left on a bathroom floor!  How fortunate we are to have Lisa's sense of humor and love for cats and our special visit to a cat shelter on a floating canal boat to visit her favorite kitties.  What a beautiful couple and we are so happy to have had this time with the two of them.  They have supported us to enjoy this brief moment in Holland and to embrace our own deep love for each other.  How so very fortunate we are and we are so very grateful.

We will always have this memory.   We will always have Amsterdam.